The (very) off-season

The Third "B" is for "Boring"

By Rick Horowitz

It wasn't as if we hadn't done this sort of thing before. We knew the risks. But not knowing exactly what you're getting into is part of the fun. On the other hand...

Bed and breakfast -- "B&B." The perfect weekend getaway. Somebody opens up a home -- the older (the odder) the better -- and offers you a room, a bath, a meal. Some folks don't like it; they feel like intruders.

We like it fine. It's a nice change from impersonal hotel lobbies and cookie-cutter motels. And you meet other humans, other housemates, the host or hostess; you meet and you talk across a pot of coffee and whatever else they've whipped up for you that morning. It takes special kind of people to welcome strangers that way.

"My parents are out of town for the night."

This was the adult daughter of our host and hostess; we never did catch her name. Her parents were off somewhere, so she was there to let us in, take us past the library and the fireplace, up the staircase to our room. Breakfast tomorrow would be served at eight. Which reminded us:

Any suggestions for dinner? Next to staying at bed-and-breakfasts, the thing we like best on the road is finding interesting local places to eat. Our deputy hostess shook her head, smiled sadly. "Everything's pretty much closed off-season."

That was odd: Her mother had assured us on the phone that even off-season, there'd be plenty to choose from. Daughter reconsidered. There is...the country club. "Saturday nights," she said, "they have prime rib."

Not exactly local cuisine, but that was OK; we'd ask somebody else while we were touring. Which reminded us:

Can we visit the historic site? This particular town had an actual historic site, a restored settlement from old mining days. Another shake of the head. "It's closed for the season."

Also odd: Her mother had assured us that even off-season, we could walk around there. The studios, then; the guidebook had said something about a thriving artists' colony right in town. Certainly we could visit lots of thriving artists?

Actually, no. Only a few places were open off-season, and those would be closing -- she checked the time -- in just a few minutes.

Tomorrow, then -- how about tomorrow? Tomorrow, she explained, was Sunday.

We don't daunt easily. We'd think about tomorrow tomorrow; for now, we had only minutes to see everything. We headed down the back stairs and ran into our newly arrived housemates unloading provisions -- not just clothing, but food and drink and piles of board games. Did they know something we didn't?

We visited a pottery shop and asked for dinner suggestions: the country club, prime rib Saturday night. A jewelry shop: the country club. A leather shop -- we know about the country club, we said; isn't there anything a little more casual?

"There's the Dairy Queen."

And there was the restaurant down the street; it was early for dinner (it was 4:45), but the place closed at 5:00, and besides, they had Cornish pasties -- the same meat pies the miners used to eat. Fine pies -- maybe not 300-miles-round-trip fine, but fine -- and we chewed and thought about all the things we wouldn't be doing tomorrow. After all the things we wouldn't be doing tonight.

What wimps we were -- afraid of a little unplanned time -- and spoiled! Except that we've had some of our best visits in places where nothing was happening. It was more a question of expectations, we decided: If only the real host and hostess had been straight with us on the phone, or had even been there to greet us.

What wimps we were! Or was it wimpier to stay put, when 50 miles back up the road was an actual city still open after sundown? Could we really...?

We could. We dashed back to the bed-and-breakfast before our courage deserted us, packed our bags and told Daughter we were leaving. We'd been misinformed, we told her. We were sorry. Keep the deposit.

There are bed-and-breakfasts in the city, too; they were all booked up.

Sometimes a hotel is exactly what you need.

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist, TV commentator and public speaker.