for Winter blahs!

Just a Sniff Away

By Rick Horowitz

Had about all the winter you can stand? By now, you feel like you've been cold since somewhere near the turn of the century, don't you? Your fingers are too numb to dial the weather lady to find out just how numb they are. And the gray--why, you've never seen such gray! The sky is gray. The ground is gray. And, mostly, your mood is gray.

You've got the wintertime blahs, and you've got 'em bad.

I've got the answer.

When you find yourself wondering how February can be so short and yet so painful, find your escape. I can show you the easy way out, the foolproof way to lift your spirits and brighten your outlook. And everything you need is right there in your medicine cabinet, or maybe down at the corner drugstore.

I'm talking suntan oil.

That's right: suntan oil, or suntan lotion, or even tanning butter--it doesn't matter. Coppertone or Hawaiian Tropic, Bain de Soleil or Sea & Ski. They may be tucked away on a back shelf somewhere, but they're within reach, and they're well worth reaching for, believe me. Cheaper than Club Med, less hassle than a Caribbean cruise, suntan oil is your greaseless, stainless ticket out of there, wherever your particular "there" might be.

Close your eyes for a moment and listen to the words glide by: Mineral oil. Coconut oil. Eucalyptus oil Fragrance. Oils of plumeria, mango, guava, papaya, taro, kukui. You can feel your body relaxing already, can't you? Summer is suffusing every pore. Nice? Very nice. And that's just the ingredients list. What's inside is even nicer, but let's not rush.

First, open your eyes and read the ingredients to yourself; by this time of year, even octyl salicylate sounds good. Read them once more. You're starting to drift--perfect! Now you're ready for the next step.

You needn't rub the oil all over your body; you're working the no-muss, no-fuss, low-budget route here. You can get every sensation you need with your clothes on. Simply twist off the cap and pass it once under your nose.

It all starts to come back. The sky is clearing, and the sun, the sun--

Another whiff.

The sun is so bright! That's right: so bright and so good and, oh, you'd forgotten how warm warm can feel! Now hold the bottle, right there, just below your nose. Take a deep, deep breath. Breathe out. Breathe in. Out, again, slowly. More slowly.

Inside your eyelids, there are palm trees swaying, or is it dune grass? The surf leaping to shore nearly drowns out the birds, or is it the other way around? You can't tell, but who wants to think about such things when there are tunnels to dig, waves to dodge, and long walks and long looks and long songs and--

Now the next step. Squeeze a drop, just a drop, of oil onto a fingertip, and spread it gently across your upper lip. Squeeze another for behind your ear, another for the base of your neck. Call it solar perfume, seasonal cologne. It'll last for hours; while it does, your senses are in control. Don't resist. They know what they're doing.

When you wake up, you may be lying on your back, right in the middle of the living-room floor. It's nothing to worry about; the water never comes up this far. You feel a chill in the air. The sun has disappeared, at least for the night, maybe for much longer; it's hard to remember.

Welcome home. But don't despair; spring may be weeks away, but you can leave again, anytime you want to.